Too Serious Too Soon
by jojorocksYOU
Summary: Seventh Year: James walks in on Sirius kissing Remus, and they get into a huge fight. SBJP SLASH. (RLSB; JPLE) Songfic to "Too Serious Too Soon".


Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter and its characters. The song used is 'Too Serious Too Soon' by Gareth Gates. Wonderful song, it is. (: Do not mind the spelling errors or grammatical errors, and feel free to point them out.

**I wonder where you were  
I wonder what you're thinking about tonight  
I wonder**

Sirius Black sat in a corner of the Gryffindor common room on the window ledge, his back against the wall. He had one knee drawn close to him, his arm resting lazily on it, and the other leg stretched out before him across the length of the ledge.

Occasionally, his eyes would glance out the large windows towards the Quidditch pitch, as though expecting to see the same familiar figure flying outside. Looking dazedly at the wall before him, nobody could tell that his mind was doing some long distance sprinting.

It was running so fast that he soon found himself a week ago, face to face with the single person he'd never dreamed of hurting.

**Maybe you're alone  
Maybe you've been crying just like me  
I wonder**

James Potter wasn't doing much better than his best friend was, as he lay down on the grass in the middle of the Quidditch pitch, his broom lying a few feet away from him. He'd been staring at the dark, night sky as though looking for something. Looking for a source of warmth, and comfort.

It was practically habit. He'd already gotten used to having a constant and eveready source of light and encouragement whenever anything went wrong; gotten used to the fact that somebody would always be behind him to catch him when he fell. And then he'd lost it all.

As tears fell from the corner of his hazel eyes, he wondered if Sirius was feeling the same, too.

**I don't know why I lost your touch  
Maybe I wanted to be loved too much**

_"… I hate you. And your fucking dignity." James spat out the last word. He wasn't about to care if anybody saw the tears falling down his face. He was too furious to care. Too hurt to care._

_"…" Sirius didn't nod or say anything at all. He was too weak for any reaction. He wanted to explain. To tell James that he hadn't intended to hurt Remus at all. To tell James that he'd only love him. Forever, and always. But he could hardly open his mouth whenever he looked up, for in James' eyes, he could only see the furiousness and hatred – and not the hurt and despair._

_"You always knew, didn't you?" James whispered, his voice almost cracking. It hurt to say anything, physically and emotionally. It hurt too much to think about anything else now. He didn't want to know anything else. He just wanted Sirius to say that he only loved James, and then he'd forget everything and everything would return to normal. If only it were that easy. An image of Remus' confused and sad face flashed across his mind and the disgust return to him. "You hurt him just because you knew you could. You just wanted to be loved – even though you never ever returned the love. He loved you, and you were just making use of him. You never loved him. I loved you, and you never loved me."_

_"…" Sirius turned, not bothering to correct James. It was too tiring. He needed his bed. He needed the warmth of being alone in a place where James would always run to him when he cried at night. He needed memories before they faded into nothingness. "I'm too tired, James. I'm too tired of never being tired of listening to you all the time. It's about time."_

_James stared after Sirius' tired frame slowly proceeding up the guys' dorm staircase, ignoring the unstoppable tears now falling onto the wooden floorboard around his feet. He couldn't bring himself to stop him._

_"… I love you." James whispered weakly, but only to the air for Sirius had already reached the top of the staircase, outside their door._

_"… I love you." Sirius whispered to himself as he pushed open the door._

_  
_**Too serious too soon   
I wanted you to love me  
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before  
Too serious too soon  
I wanted you to love me**

"James, _please_." Remus pleaded desperately as he sat on Sirius' old bed, facing James' bed where he'd pulled the curtains all around it, tightly shut and with a Silencing charm. "Just come out. You know you need somebody to talk to. James – It hurts all of us to see you like this. Lily comes in here every hour and it's not helping if you just rot inside there!"

He brought a tired hand to his forehead in exasperation. He was the cause of this, and he knew. He wouldn't blame James for not wanting to talk to him. He couldn't.

James loved Sirius with a flaming passion more fiery than anybody else could manage. The love they shared was a step beyond being best friends, and the occasional snogs were the line they'd simultaneously drawn for their relationship. It wasn't the most romantic love story in school, but it was sweet.

All Sirius had wanted was to be loved. And to love James. To be there for James when nobody would listen to his incessant whining about things. Remus smiled sadly. This was another one of the many things he couldn't change despite his high grades. When nobody could stand James' stubborness and childish ways, Sirius would always listen to him, stand up for him, protect him and understand him. When Sirius was upset, James would be the first one next to him, while Remus could only wonder what was wrong.

Nothing could've gone wrong with them. It was clear where their relationship was heading. It was just bad timing and Heaven's little joke on them.

The curtains James'd drawn around his bed were thrown open and a weary looking James Potter sat on the bed, clearly disshelved.

'Tell me we were never meant to be together. That it wasn't his fault. That he still loves me, you don't love him and I do." James grabbed Remus' hands, almost desperate. Remus' eyes widened in surprise and shock, before his slowly shook his head. James looked away for moments before dashing out of the room.

**It's been a rainy afternoon  
Now I'm staring at the moon  
Thinking we got too serious too soon**

Once again, he found himself lying in the middle of the wide grass patch of the Quidditch field. He could feel the wet grass and mud against his Quidditch uniform, but he couldn't care less.

The clouds. It was going to rain again, obviously. It'd rained the entire afternoon. But the clouds were still hanging above him ominously. He couldn't see any stars. The faint outline of the moon could be seen vaguely behind one of the clouds. But nothing else could be seen. It was almost totally dark. He pictured himself to be floating in the middle of nowhere. A dream, perhaps. This would be a huge nightmare, and he'd wake up in the room where Sirius would be sleeping soundly next to him. If only.

Somehow, he knew what had gone wrong: They knew each other too well.

It was the trust they shared – The trust that could be broken by nobody else but themselves. He'd trusted Sirius so much that it was as though all he had believed in had disappeared within a split second when he'd walked in on Sirius snogging Remus in their Advanced Charms classroom.

It was the ups and downs of being best friends and lovers. Because they knew each other inside out, they'd simply gone ahead with the relationship thinking that nothing could've gone wrong, without thinking what might've come out of it. Everything happened too soon. And it hurt knowing Sirius wasn't doing anything to help.

**I told you everyday  
I told you everynight in every way  
I love you**

"I don't understand." Sirius buried his face in his hands as Remus sat down in the chair at Sirius' work desk. He was sitting at the edge of his bed, facing Remus. He caught a glimpse of himself in his bedside mirror, and was shocked to himself in such a run-down state. "I just don't understand. What haven't I given him? I thought we knew each other. I thought he knew I loved him. And I know I love him. So what is it that's – Why can't he just think from my point of view!"

"… Sirius. Nothing could've gone wrong. He knows you love him. He just isn't sure. You've never told him, have you? You've never said 'I love you, James' before, have you?" Remus asked, already sure of the answer. Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but Remus cut in. "I know, it's in your eyes, every moment of the day. Whenever you see him, you're practically screaming 'I love you' without even opening your mouth. But he doesn't know that. You _know_ James doesn't believe what he can't hear for real. He needs everything to be spelt out and read out loudly. Even though he feels it."

"I'm doing everything to let him know. Everything – I listen to him when things go wrong, he holds my hand when I can't sleep, I kiss him goodnight even though its barely 8pm, I –" Sirius trailed off.

"– Do everything except say 'I love you'." Remus finished for him.

"… Is that it?" Sirius snorted. "Because he's too dense? Because he can't understand?" Remus blinked. "I've been by his side since _forever_. I'm sick of being… of being used by him. Yet he can't even understand something I tell him everynight when he's asleep."

"Sirius – he's asleep. He can't _hear_ you." Remus pointed out flatly.

"I know he feels it." Sirius looked at the ceiling, as if expecting it to collapse so he could die once and for all. "I know he knows."

"Why?"

"… Because he loved me, too."

**Maybe you got scared  
Maybe I have nothing else to say   
But I love you**

James stood outside the room, his hand less than an inch from the doorknob, frozen in mid-action. He couldn't do it. He couldn't go in. He couldn't think of what to say, or what to do. He was afraid of looking at Sirius. To see Sirius' blank eyes staring at him, bored and sick of him. He was afraid that Sirius really didn't love him anymore. Afraid his worst fears would materialise.

Worst fears. What fears? He'd never feared anything before. He was brave.

… Was he?

Or was it just that he knew he would never fall hard. Because somebody would be supporting him. Somebody would cushion his fall. All his troubles and fears had been piled on Sirius. And now Sirius was gone and he'd fallen all the way down. From Heaven, straight back to earth. Back to being James Potter, not 'Jamie', not 'Prongs', nor 'Jay'. James Potter.

_'Tomorrow. I'll come back tomorrow. I'll apologise for being rubbish and he'll forgive me. And everything will return to normal. There. It's perfect.'_ He gave a weak smile and turned to walk away.

**So baby now my life's a mess**

"Sirius Orion Black. Do I vaguely remember telling you to transfigure this cushion into James Potter?" Professor McGonagall looked at him, clearly apalled.

"No, Ma'am." Sirius quickly waved his wand and the James Potter which had been standing before the both of them became a cushion again. "I don't know what happened."

"Stop thinking about your best friend and transfigure it into a rat _now_." She pronounced the 'now' with so much emphasis he thought her tongue would become paralysed.

At least Defence was better. Maybe.

"Now, class! I want you to practise Disarming your partner." Professor McKinnon said over the noisy bunch of Gryffindor and Slytherin seventh years. Satisfied with the students for realising the importance of pracitising for their NEWTs, which she'd told them would be a duel with their partner, she sat back down at her desk.

"Remus – Can you be my partner!"

"Moony – I can't find a partner!"

Remus looked from James to Sirius and then to Peter, whom he'd promised to practise with. He turned back to his two friends and smiled apologetically, though James caught the blush on his face when he looked at Sirius.

Professor McKinnon looked up from her work when she heard an exasperated yell.

"I can't work with _HIM._" Sirius spat, glaring at Rebastans Lestrange with all the hatred he could muster. "He hasn't bathed since his mother could carry him!"

"REMUS. I can't work with – with this _ARSE_. He can't throw a Disarming spell to save _his_ life or MINE." James took a huge step away from Snape, almost walking into Sirius.

"James Landon Potter! Sirius Orion Black! What _is_ this whole fuss about. 10 points from Gryffindor – Stop picking on your classmates. What is this, unprovoked harassment! Get back to work, _now_." With the same emphasis on the 'now' as Professor McGonagall had used, she stalked back to her desk. Sirius muttered a soft 'Expelliarmus' at James, who blankly replied with a 'Protego' and Sirius found himself flying backwards and banging into a cage of Grindylows.

"Oh, shit."

**Cos I couldn't love you any less**

There was something falling onto his hand. Water, was it? And again. And again.

Somebody was calling him.

Sirius opened his eyes, expecting to see the grafitti-ed ceiling of his Head Boy room, but saw nothing but white. White. None of the rooms in Hogwarts were actually _white_. Unless this was the –

"Remus?" He called out as his eyes started to focus. He didn't catch the disappointment in the eyes of the boy sitting by his bedside, holding tightly onto his cold hand. "Moony? What'm I doing in the infirmary?"

He heard the distant sound of the door bursting open and in ran a boy with sandy brown hair, was it? Wasn't Remus just at his bedside?

"James, is he all right – Sirius!" The newcome smiled warmly as his vision became normal again. He looked at his hand, and traced the slender arm to its owner's face before hastily pulling it back. James, like Sirius, had also pulled his hand back and looked away before getting up and sprinting out. "James!"

"What happened? I thought… I thought James was you. Strange. Why am I here?" Sirius frowned.

"We were walking to Advanced Potions, remember? And then I had to go get something from Professor McGonagall and you went on alone?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded slowly. He remembered feeling a great wave of dizziness wash over him. "James said you just fell suddenly and blacked out."

"He was there?" Sirius blinked in shock.

"Obviously – he's always been behind you, somewhere." Remus smiled sadly. "He knows how hard it's been for you to always watch out for him, so he just wants to make sure you have your turn at being happy yourself too." Sirius shook his head to clear it. Was Remus trying to trick him into something? "You should've seen him when he carried you here. He's pretty worn out himself – he hasn't been getting much sleep – yet he just ran all the way here from the dungeons. He was tearing (tear-ing) the entire way here, according to Lily. And he refused to leave your side until Mdm Pomfrey cast a barrier from him and the treating room."

"You don't mean that…?" Sirius shook his head slowly.

"He's been with you ever since. Holding your hand and waiting for you. He cried. He never cries in front of anybody. He was so afraid. Haha…" Remus sighed. "I always thought such words were cliché, but when I heard it from James I just realised that when you mean something, it can never be cliché."

"What… did he say?" Sirius asked, almost hopeful.

**Too soon  
It's not right  
It's not fair  
It's in you baby   
Cuts like a knife  
What if you were the love of my life**

_"Wake up… Please, Siri." James held Sirius' cold hand in his own and brought them to his once-peachy but now pale lips, feeling the cold droplets fall from his face onto his hands and Sirius'. "I've never gotten round to telling you. I don't suppose you ever found out, but I've just been standing around outside your room every day – I keep telling myself I'll go in and apologise and hope you'll have me back. But… I can't. I just can't. I kept telling myself 'Tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow.' But tomorrow comes and goes and I stay outside your room waiting for Courage to do it for me. It never came. And Fear never left me either._

_"I was afraid. I thought I was afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid that you'd hate me because of what I said. Afraid you loved Remus. Afraid you loved somebody else. Afraid you'd tell me you never loved me, at all. I was afraid that despite hoping that you were lying about never having loved me, your eyes would say it all – that you hated me." James brought Sirius' hand to his cheek. "But when I saw you today – I knew I was losing you. I knew you were leaving me. When you fainted right in front of me, I felt so helpless. You were just there and I couldn't help you._

_"And I realised I wasn't all that afraid of losing you after all." James smiled, almost sadly. "I was afraid of causing you to lose yourself. I don't need you to forgive me, to love me – I could only wish for that now. I don't want to be selfish anymore. You're worth so much more than me having things my way. That's what you've been thinking all this while, right? That's why you could always stay by my side. Siri – I don't want anything else, anymore. I just want you to wake up. I love you."_

_Sirius slowly opened his eyes. James smiled despite the tears blurring his sight._

_"Remus?"_

_It was as though his heart had been cut with a knife. Or something worse._

_He'd poured his feelings out to Sirius, and he'd woken up thinking he was Remus. It hurt, but he didn't cry. He'd told himself he wouldn't. Because this wasn't important. Sirius had woken up, and that was good._

_'_I don't love him anymore,_' he forced a smile, as though trying to convince himself of something he knew wasn't true. '_I'm not sad. I'm not upset. I'm not disappointed. Why am I still crying over somebody who doesn't love me?_'_

_An image of Sirius from their sixth year appeared in his mind followed by his pleasant, mellow laughter and words, "Because you love me."._

**We got too serious too soon  
I wanted to be there for you like no one else  
Too serious too soon  
I wanted you to love me**

Sirius never returned to the boys' dormitory for the rest of the year, and stayed away from the common room as often as possible. He was in the library for the most of his free time, or under the beech tree out in the grounds, studying. He'd never spoken to James since the day they'd broken up. He'd never found out what was it James'd said to him in the Hospital Wing either. Not that it mattered – because at least James was happy. He'd managed to convince Lily, his study mate and the Head Girl from Ravenclaw, to talk to James. After all, Lily had been James' crush all through fifth year. And now they were going out.

James never bothered going back to Sirius' room anymore. He was in his own world of NEWTs, the Quidditch Finals and his girlfriend, Lily Evans. Even Snape had gotten a life and had stopped bothering him. The monthly outings with Remus during the full moon went smoothly but meaninglessly. Most of the time, they just stayed in the Shack till Remus transformed back. James was, however, surprised to hear that Sirius had a new girlfriend – Not that it wasn't a common thing. He'd have expected Sirius to go steady with Remus or something to that extent, but he'd gotten himself a girlfriend from _Slytherin_.

"Not like he'd have told me anyway. I was just another one of his personal challenges, I suppose." James smiled bitterly as he reread his Transfiguration essay.

He looked out the window, wondering what Sirius was doing.

It wasn't as if he never saw Sirius. He did. Other than in classes, whenever they walked across each other in the corridors, the loneliness and sadness in their eyes were evident to the other. What James wanted was to assure Sirius that he was all right, and that he'd grown up and Sirius needn't worry about him anymore. He wanted to tell Sirius that he was happy for him and Jane, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Because he knew he didn't mean it.

Sirius wanted to give James a hug and congratulate him on getting with Lily, and cast away all the sadness and loneliness in his best friend. But he'd never do that because James had Lily. James had Lily, and he had Jane. It was the perfect ending. Wasn't it?

**It's been a rainy afternoon   
Now I'm staring at the moon**

James Potter left the crowd in his living room and snuck out of his house through the back door, making his way to the park for some peace and quiet. The damp leaves under his feet didn't make any noise as he stepped on them, not that his friends would've heard them from all the music they'd been blasting in the living room.

He sat down on the swing, and stared up at the sky. The crescent moon hung proud and majestic in the night sky, brighter than it usually was.

Of course, tomorrow was a very important day. He was getting married to Miss Lily Evans and Mrs Lily Potter-to-be. And he couldn't be more thankful. She was a miraculous woman. The most wonderful, most spectacular, most amazing – She was one of the things he was thankful for.

But he'd never imagined Bachelor's Night to be without Sirius. He thought of the people back in his living room. Remus and Peter, of course. Remus had gone to pick up law in a Muggle university in another part of England, while Peter had a junior job in the Ministry. They'd both took the time for him, and he was grateful for friends like them. Frank Longbottom was there. He was getting married to Alice Johnson in a month. Christiano, his older brother, had rushed back from France for his wedding. His older cousins and fellow Aurors had also come.

But Sirius wasn't there. He'd told Sirius about Lily accepting his proposal before telling anybody else. He'd sent the invitation to Sirius first, before Lily sent it to anybody else. He'd requested for Sirius to be his Best Man, before asking Remus. But Sirius never replied once. All the owls he'd sent to 12 Grimmauld Place came back without the letter or any reply.

_'Stupid James Potter. Why would he reply you? Who are you to him, anyway?'_ He chided himself. But he had kept hoping that Sirius would reply. Perhaps he just didn't have the time. Sirius was, naturally, one of the top mediwizards in the Ministry, having graduated from a top Medical Institution after graduating from Hogwarts.

But they never came. And James was tired of waiting.

He cast one last glance up into the night sky, in search of warmth and comfort. And he found it.

Smiling to himself, satisfied, he got up from the swing and headed back home._  
  
_

**Thinking we got too serious too soon**

Somewhere in the starry sky, the Dog star shone, brighter than the others by far.

A/N: It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to turn out – But it should do. I mean, haha. It's quite crappy. It's the first time I actually tried a songfic. It's – okaaaaay (droning tone) I suppose. But I've read a lot better ones! Yay. Posting fics = nice. Haha.


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